I Always Forget to Send Christmas Cards

Here is a card I made that you can send to Bill O'Reilly.

Christmas is pretty awesome because people give me things and nice food appears magically around me, due some social ties I made in the past (marriage and befriending interesting people at Harvard). I have no problem with Christmas provided nobody expects anything from me other than gratitude and appreciation. The moment anyone expects anything else, I feel that the experience for me begins to pall.

This is a reasonable question: why can't my friends get their own stuff? I'm sure all men ask themselves that question. Thoughtfulness, from my perspective, is demonstrated by my spending time with them instead of not spending time with them; what other proof is there that I value their company? If any of them don't have something they need, then my first question would be: why haven't they provided themselves with this thing? Is it because it isn't important enough to them personally? If so, why should I get them something that isn't important to them personally? Perhaps they just didn't need it. Why should I provide people with things they don't need? How is that being a friend?

Perhaps they haven't perceived such a need. But why should they rely so heavily on their friends for perceiving their needs? Of course, I'm not above the next statement for example: "Hey man? You need a toothbrush. Don't thank me for my candor - it's nothing personal, just a character trait of mine." But needs of a more complex variety? If it falls to me to isolate them then they're just being lazy. Why should we reward laziness with gifts?

When it comes to family, I have a firm policy: stay on the other side of the world from them. I see my own family about once every three years. It is not an accident that I live as geographically far from them as possible without leaving the earth. They possibly believe that I live in America for my career. But really, when it all comes down to it, I tend to enjoy the company of my dog more than my family and my dog was born in America and she likes it here - especially the squirrels. I have no personal problem with my family - I'd avoid them if they weren't related to me as well. My problem has always been that I've felt drawn to upbeat, happy, pleasant people who have an interest in ideas and cultivate researched opinions. I mentioned my dog before... well, she is happy, upbeat and pleasant and interested in ideas (like the abstract question of 'what is it that the squirrels are up to?') This trait of mine that favors people I enjoy being around makes spending time with my family difficult and onerous.

So rather than lavish expensive gifts on myself, I do as I choose and feel happy instead. I've often mentioned at this blog that I'm a happy person and I think it is because I instinctively lean towards doing whatever it is that I enjoy. People might call this irresponsible but my experience has confirmed that doing what I please is a guaranteed method of bringing about personal satisfaction, though results may vary for others.

But I'm an artist and, like many artistic people, I find much of what people conventionally believe in difficult to wrap my mind around: I often sympathize but cannot empathize with things like Christmas. Celebrating Christmas is obviously enjoyable. Preparing for it is not, so I have no choice but to leave that up to others who are more suited to it. This is why I don't buy presents or decorate. I'm not above giving things to people - especially books that I already owned and don't think I'll read again. I have wrapped things in newspaper before. And I definitely want you to give me presents but don't expect it. It would also be deeply unfair of you to expect things from me. I'm irresponsible. If you're my friend you'd love it and accept it. Perhaps you'd even buy me a gift because you love me for it. That's a hint, by the way.

But Christmas shopping is awful.. so why do it? I mean, it's probably fine to do for children. It's probably a very good thing to do for children now I think about it, though probably it is more practical just to tell them outright that Santa Claus is a lie and that rich children get more presents than poor children and that perhaps they should ask their parents why it is that they're poor (because statistically speaking they probably are). But Christmas shopping for adults? That's silly. Most of the adults I know have the means to buy themselves their own interesting things. And if they want thoughtfulness from me, they should just appreciate that I haven't accidentally set fire to them while annoyed at them or something.

Anyway. I should send my friends wrongcards this year and lie and say that I made that card for them personally. And despite this site, despite the fact I created all these cards, there is an 80% chance that I'm going to forget to send these cards to anyone I know. Look, I'm not happy about it either and I fully intend on changing my ways in my next life.