fathers day ecards

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The smell of vodka, cheap aftershave and the stirrings of filial gratitude. It must be Father's Day. He was always there for you, or perhaps he wasn't? Good old whats-his-face. Pa. The guy who knocked up your mother. This is the moment where you have to say 'Thank you, Dad'. Once a year you send the old man a token gesture of 'no-hard-feelings.' You google 'cards fathers day' and then you tap out a few maudlin words and the sorry business is over. Father's Day Card sent. And now for the more pressing task of not turning into him...

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birds and bees fathers day ecards

Happy Fathers Day and thank you for teaching me about the birds and the bees by leaving your porn stash in a location that was conveniently accessible to children.
My Dad wasn't around much when I was a kid 'cause he was busy walking on the moon or making movies, so I had 20 or so 'other Dads', owing to Nanna's natural charisma. They taught me all sorts of things, like how to borrow cars, how to grow plants inside a cupboard and how to drive quickly away from banks. Today's card? Send it to your Dad(s).

moral universe fathers day ecards

Happy Father's Day and thank you for not contaminating my moral universe by giving me any material possessions.
My father was Cary Grant. Or Neil Armstrong - my Nanna could get a bit inconsistent after her second bottle of turpentine. Dad being Cary Grant would make a lot of sense, of course, but if he was Neil Armstong then that would explain my tendency to always push everyone out of the way in trying to be the first through any door.

self-made man fathers day ecards

Dad, thanks for turning me into a self-made man
I’m aware I have had certain advantages in life. Not every boy gets to grow up knowing his dad was both an astronaut AND an arctic explorer. My grandmother says it’s a pity my dad had to go into hiding when the lizard people from Rigel VI surreptitiously took control of all the world’s major governments, because I’d have really liked him.

shining example fathers day ecards

Dad, you will always be a shining example of what will happen to me if I don't do any cardio.
If it weren’t for women I don’t reckon men would bother with Fathers Day. And the concept of birthdays doesn’t make sense to us either. “HE knows it’s the annivesary of his birth: why do WE have to remind him?” Also - cutlery wouldn't exist without women. We'd still have can-openers though. We’d have racks of really, really expensive can-openers hanging proudly on our walls.

commonality fathers day ecards

Happy Father's Day, even if we don't have much in common other than an early interest in my Mother's breasts.
Look over your shoulder - is somebody there? If not, quietly click on the link and look upon the Wrongcard that you won't be sending your Dad for Father's Day. Then - close the window and try not to think about it too much.

legitimate fathers day fathers day ecards

Happy father's day from one of your more legitimate children

trapped in a bubble fathers day ecards

 happy father's day and thank you for making sure that half of my genetic material did not wind up trapped in a bubble of latex.

not my real father fathers day ecards

I would have forked out real money for a real Fathers Day card, but it turns out that God is my real father.

thank you for taking the time fathers day ecards

dear dad, thank you for taking the time to knock-up my mother. you sure earned this father's day card. your child.

the money i save fathers day ecards

the money i save by sending you an ecard instead of a gift will be spent no drugs. you must have totally failed me as a parent